Without a doubt the one thing I am most worried about with regard to having the baby is breastfeeding. I’ve just got no idea how I’m going to do it, if I’m going to be able to, how other people will react to me doing it…the list goes on!
I’ve never had very big boobs, and to be honest I was pretty surprised when they got bigger in early pregnancy as I just didn’t think they would for some reason! I do worry that this means that I won’t produce enough milk to be able to feed the baby effectively.
Not only that, but I really don’t like the idea of having a baby sucking on my nipple. I just find the thought of it a bit weird. I’m hoping that some natural instinct will take over and I’ll get over it and maybe even enjoy it (is this possible? Do people enjoy breastfeeding or is it just a hideous experience that women don’t dare admit is hideous to avoid looking un-motherly?).
Then comes the fear of being shamed for breast feeding. Will I be one of those women who has their photo taken by a complete stranger while breastfeeding, which then gets plastered all over social media as an example of something ‘disgusting’? Or will old ladies in cafés tut at me for feeding my child?
I’m massively self-conscious so I’m not going to be brazenly getting my boob out in public and intend to cover up (this is not to suggest in any way that women who are confident about feeding their babies and do freely get their boobs out in public are wrong; I’m just too much of a wallflower to have the confidence to do it myself!) but I do still fear something like that happening.
Or conversely, what if breastfeeding doesn’t work out for us? I’ve lost count of how many friends have told me not to beat myself up about it if I can’t or feel I don’t want to, but I know I’d crumble if someone commented that I should be breastfeeding if I wasn’t. I’m not entirely sure why people seem to think they have the right to comment either way but it would appear that they do.
Mostly I’m just hoping that the right support is there when the time comes and I have a non-judgemental midwife/health visitor to help me through whatever happens and whatever decision make once the baby is here.